There is a certain emergence of feminist groups, who seem to raise concerns over seemingly petty matters. At times, their priorities do not even align with most pressing women needs, but more focused on what they believe in as a woman's empowerment objective. Most of the self-styled women rights groups do not even seem aware of ground realities and the goalpost is not consistent at all. This often seems like a self-defeating race, where we are pitting man against woman or vice versa, via contrarian viewpoints.
That raises a few important questions-
1) What is the primary issue related to female empowerment, freedom, justice or to build higher sense of value amongst females?
2) What this ideal benchmark looks like, that we all must envision?
3) Also, what is the most inherent need that everyone could collective work upon to reach that elusive goal step-by step, or as individual units within their known space?
4) How did the discrimination against women rights start? How did we begin to be called as the weaker ones?
I wish that I had answers to all these questions but I can only attempt as per the experiences I have gathered. Hence, I also connected with other girls and ladies to assimilate different experiences and understand the problem more deeply.
The evolution and the decline
If we look at our own historical women in India from scriptures and ancient history to more recent, there are ample examples of the ones who rose to fame through their grit, leadership, skillful prowess, intellect, wit and resillience. There is enough evidence of the respect and influence governed by women coming from various walks of life. Just to name some that come to our immediate recall- Devi Ahilyabai, Rani Durgavati, Rani Lakshmibai, Jhalkari Bai, Rani Chennamma, Gargi, Maithreyi, Chitrangada, Draupadi, Savitri, Sita, Rukmini and even the artists of various skills. Definitely, there would be some debate over Savitri, Sita and Draupadi, as we have grown to see them as tormented, victims or restrained within cultural rules. Yet, these were women who defied all norms and rose during extreme crisis when wave had turned totally against them. It is our lens that has got polluted by various perspectives that we have been unable to see their heroics. The question is where did we lose our glorious past and began to confine our woman within conventional norms or treated their strengths as weakness? Strength is not always physical, but the strategic wisdom, empathy and emotional intelligence are equally important to see the bigger picture and prevail justice in any society. Another important example, that I learned about during one of my visits to a historical palace, is that the queens of the palaces had independent fund equal to the king's, to do welfare activities within their kingdom and were involved in most of the decision making.
Now, one could argue that the women participation would be limited to privileged sections, and lower class women were always at the mercy of the upper class men. This is partially true, but we have heard of plenty tribal women having their own artillery and deemed respect or examples of matriarchial societies, which show a different picture. The truth is, we often see the women taking the reins where the crisis emerges, and let the man lead them in usual times. The boundaries drawn for woman are both for their security and controlling the external forces. The signs of marital status, visibly demonstrated by women, are not necessarily a domination, but preventing the negative forces to attack them. I know women who deliberately use these symbols even after their husband's death to protect them from unwanted attention. Yet, a section of female liberation keeps using these as example of force or control instead of seeing their true motive.
The primary issues for women are often 3-fold- Safety, True appreciation of their contribution and equality. Equality is a need often misunderstood and the most abused by both genders using this as a tool to demean other. However, the above 2 issues have only increased over the years.
It is probable that to deal with safety issues, the prevention strategy was used, by means of reducing opportunities for unwanted attraction. This could have been more pressing during invasions and mass torture by various groups to dominate the community as a whole. Protecting women is the topmost priority of male gender, if we believe our texts and a lot of epic wars. Hence the need for higher confinements within the 4 walls, putting symbols of unavailability, or coverage using veils and probably early marriages became common. This looks more of a fear aversion or crisis management methods. Do we need these now? My Answer would be a resounding NO. However, we still have demonic tendencies as rapists or vultures of various forms with higher power to bend the laws in their favour. Hence, the deal is to make the law more firm and stringent, investigation to be more sharper. We have so many examples of evasions that a common person cannot be sure whether to entirely let the law take its course. More so, it is punitive and not preventive. Crimes of passion are often not deliberate, but led by instinctive moments and collective force. Else, A lot of crimes could have been averted as a whole. Hence, if we focus on solutions instead of rhetorics, we could find better solutions. Preventive strategies like self-defence and self-belief in the times of crisis can help more than screaming for selective cases to target the communities as per chosen narratives. Ground level safety techniques must be learned by every female. Yes, we want more women to participate in nation building by working in their chosen field, but we need to prepare them well. Another important area is to stop calling such events as loss of honor for women, which causes them to isolate or commit suicide. No event is bigger than life, and ridiculing must be reserved for such males. I would again cite example of Draupadi, where she retained her honour even after all the fiasco of Dyut Krida. She remained venerated, while for Kauravas, it was a point of not turning back at all. Again the point is, let us not target males completely to rebuke the specifics because this does not solve the problem, but only exacerbates it. Women need to feel empowered to defend themselves and move on under any circumstance. Respect cannot be conditional and as a society, this needs to be repaired in my opinion.
Appreciation of Female contributions- Homemakers or Professional work
Dignity of labour cannot be questioned based on the nature of work. A homemaker is not an unpaid maid servant, but the coordinator of the house. We, including the females, commit this mistake all the times. We do not need the air to scream that it is responsible for letting us live and is absolutely crucial. Similarly, a woman must be respected, irrespective of their chosen method of contribution. Here, chosen method is important since a woman can choose to be at home and play the role of nurturer happily. I would also argue that this choice must be collective for the household, since it is a duty to be served by both. The options to make it feasible could be a real challenge, and not a source of male or female domination. Hence the collective household unit makes the decision evaluating the options, not the male or female alone. Why is it so difficult to make this possible? If we can nail this as a society, we can solve a majority of the concerns.
Inequality during Marriage- The issue has only grown deeper in case of marriages. The evils associated with marriage have continued, and only grown in terms of burden due to increased pomposity. Everybody wants to compare the celebrations with celebrities, however less means. Who is going to bear the burden of this expectation and the resulting assessment of worth by the society at large? Secondly, if the match of the bride and bridegroom is based on the salary paycheque or their fairness/ attractiveness quotient, this is commoditizing the real humans in every possible way. I have heard of scenarios where girls' family ask for the account statements, or paycheck to determine the suitability. On the other hand, dowry has been a consistent issue in various regions of the country. Now, this is a complicated issue since it has been prohibited legally long ago and yet, giving dowry is part of the societal norms, a lot of this is due to inflated ego of the families at large. Most of the families won't kill but expectation is still there. They could humiliate the girl's family in multiple ways and consider this normal since everybody else has got a heavy bounty. It is a matter of their status and woman are equally responsible to carry this tradition within their homes. If you leave to the bride and bridegroom, possibly these issues could be resolved much earlier. The greed, the pride and sense of supremacy and authority, all lead into a never-ending maze of self-spiralling issues. I do feel that clarity of communication and discussion on values could go a long way in the early stages of marriage within the couple. I cannot say that the family must not be involved, but the agreement and contract amongst the couple on these terms as non-negotiables will hold a higher value nevertheless, if they decide what is important, families will be relenting. There are certain rituals which focus on " who will be the boss?" during marriage is mostly fun, but often smacks of taking right over someone's free will. Games infusing partnership might be better, probably also including the in-laws, to infuse the spirit of collaboration. One more key issue is that the women, in order to gain more respect and pressue to look stronger and bolder, have often adopted rebellious approach, leading them to be the victim of their own choices, be it drinking, smoking, adultery, choices of living-in or no kids to escape the pressures of conventional women. However, most of these are a lost battle or lose-lose proposition. Women were considered moral anchors of the family deliberately, due to their insight, and softer nature, carrying out responsibilities with wisdom. However, such issues are only inhibiting them to be the real guiding light of the household. Alternatively, taking the load of the household chores along with external jobs, entierly on their own is also having the deterimental impact. We are only human and expecting way too much is not going to help. We need to leave certain responsibilities or being vocal about our limitations even to ourselves, is crucial.
Too long post, but this was quite difficult to bring across the various conflicts, which are often exacerbated by external influence on either side.
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