Well, I keep listening averse comments from people (married/unmarried) on the topic of marriage. I can relate to some of the doubts/concerns since I have held a staunch opinion for 20 years of my life not to marry. However, many of them seem highly offensive to the institution of marriage. Hence I wanted to share my perspective on this.
After marriage, you are bounded/stuck
How can one feel like that in any relationship? We keep sending 1000 forward emails for Mother, sister, father, for the way they care. We have owned them for whole lifetime. Does one ever feel stuck with them? We didnt decide or choose them. Still we love them and cherish the moments we spent with them. However, when it comes to wife/husband,we keep joking on this relationship. It is as pure as any other. In fact, that is one person who came in your life after 20 odd years and takes all your pains as theirs, accepts you in all situations, however humiliating it may be. It is a relationship which sustains, involves great endurance and ownership over each other. Didn't your family ever scold you or restrict you for several petty things (or at least they seemed like that at that point)? but you still love them and cannot think of life without them, don't you?
Your life doesn't remain yours.. You have to live according to someone else
Now that is a very self centered statement. That is all about setting the right expectations. You do not need to bend over backwards to make someone happy. If that is the case, it is not sustainable, more so, if you have this feeling of a martyr. This is bound to create dissatisfaction in your life. We have to find a common path, and changing a little for someone special is an evolution in itself. It is an enrichment of your personality. If you feel that you have lost yourself in this journey, either you are too egoistic or you have compromised your identity a little too much. Making the right choice is important not only for marriage, but for any relationship.
There is a high mismatch of expectations..couples would fight nevertheless
That is partially true, but it is a temporary stage.. where the identities merge into each other. It is like an exogenous reaction, where two chemicals of different nature when create a separate identity, exude energy and heat. Once the new amalgamated identity is created, you will find it to be the most beautiful relationship you have even been into. However, if you have completely accepted each other as spouse on physical or external aspects, this might be a big risk. However, you can encounter it, if you own the marriage and not treat it as something imposed on you.
This is my opinion based on personal experiences and others' as well. It is like any other productive relationship that gives more than it takes.
After marriage, you are bounded/stuck
How can one feel like that in any relationship? We keep sending 1000 forward emails for Mother, sister, father, for the way they care. We have owned them for whole lifetime. Does one ever feel stuck with them? We didnt decide or choose them. Still we love them and cherish the moments we spent with them. However, when it comes to wife/husband,we keep joking on this relationship. It is as pure as any other. In fact, that is one person who came in your life after 20 odd years and takes all your pains as theirs, accepts you in all situations, however humiliating it may be. It is a relationship which sustains, involves great endurance and ownership over each other. Didn't your family ever scold you or restrict you for several petty things (or at least they seemed like that at that point)? but you still love them and cannot think of life without them, don't you?
Your life doesn't remain yours.. You have to live according to someone else
Now that is a very self centered statement. That is all about setting the right expectations. You do not need to bend over backwards to make someone happy. If that is the case, it is not sustainable, more so, if you have this feeling of a martyr. This is bound to create dissatisfaction in your life. We have to find a common path, and changing a little for someone special is an evolution in itself. It is an enrichment of your personality. If you feel that you have lost yourself in this journey, either you are too egoistic or you have compromised your identity a little too much. Making the right choice is important not only for marriage, but for any relationship.
There is a high mismatch of expectations..couples would fight nevertheless
That is partially true, but it is a temporary stage.. where the identities merge into each other. It is like an exogenous reaction, where two chemicals of different nature when create a separate identity, exude energy and heat. Once the new amalgamated identity is created, you will find it to be the most beautiful relationship you have even been into. However, if you have completely accepted each other as spouse on physical or external aspects, this might be a big risk. However, you can encounter it, if you own the marriage and not treat it as something imposed on you.
This is my opinion based on personal experiences and others' as well. It is like any other productive relationship that gives more than it takes.
1 comment:
Quite well thought out..Yes, I think because it is not a relationship that we are born with unlike our family (where we accept it unconditionally and they do the same for us) there is initial resistance at some level. But once we as well the spouse and his/her family attains that level of acceptance, things fall into place automatically.
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